What's your plan?

When I answered this question posed by a seasoned athlete at the athlete banquet with "put one arm, one pedal and one foot in front of the other until I finish", she looked positively horrified and mumbled a "I wish you the best" before she scuttled off.

I know she was looking for times, for nutrition and hydration, for race strategy, but I couldn't talk about any of these things without breaking into a sweat and worrying about what I had gotten myself into.  So instead I let her balk at my naïveté and move on.  Seriously, I love her for asking, but right now, I need zen.

Let's go back a few steps.

Yesterday was good, much better than my first day here.  I woke to a text and was ready to move.  Breakfast, and I was off.  Nerves in pretty good check.  It was time to explore.

In a relatively ok place I went to check out transition.  This was incredibly daunting and eerie.  This beautiful park has been transformed into a ghost town with rows and rows of metal sawhorses standing empty, waiting for the bikes to show up.  Change tents have been erected, seats waiting empty for the tired and weary.  Stairs out of the water in place with metal gates lining the runway out of the water.  HOLY. SHIT.  Pinch me.

I hurried off to the Athlete meeting.  Lots of faces trying to look brave but having doubts and fear creeping in through their eyes, why did we do this again?  Fun? Seriously?  I had a good handle on the logistics for the most part, so I convinced myself, you're fine, buck up.

From there, I picked up my bike and felt so incredible and peaceful once having it back in my possession.  (Sounds crazy right?). The truth is that bike over the past several months has become a
place of comfort.  Stressed? Get on the bike.  Knee hurts?  Get on the bike.  Feeling lost?  Get on the damn bike!  Needless to say the absence of MY bike was wearing.

Back in my possession and pedals were on and we were off.  Not a long ride, enough to run through her gears and my paces.  Coming back, I was a different person.  I calmly sat down and used the hotel washcloths to wipe down my ride.

Content, mentally I was finally in a good place for the first time since getting here.

Many texts from home sending love, happy thoughts and curiosity of what was going on edged me forward, keeping nerves at bay as I told of this incredibly experience.

I was undecided on whether I would go to the athlete banquet.  Tim wasn't here yet which meant

going by myself, not something I am great at.  I convinced myself to go knowing I could always turn around and leave.  I almost did, one, two, three, twelve times, but in the end was so glad I stayed.

Aside from Ms.whats-your-plan the people there served as a calming influence.  Dinner was excellent and when Mike Reilly got up to talk the place exploded.  Tears in my eyes, I realized for the first time that I was finally in pursuit of a lifelong dream.  I was here, I was doing this.  I was in good company as the first-timer number for this race broke Ironman record.  Athletes from 18 to 80 were present.  remember the gentleman from Kona last year who had to lean on his daughter Liz for much of the run?  Yep, he is here, 80-years young with a wonderful sense of humor.  "I told my daughter to shoot
me if I ever mentioned doing another one of these stupid races." Athletes who and lost 50, 60, 70,
even 200 pounds in their ironman training.  Stories of military, injured, cancer survivors... All of us
have a demon we are trying to beat, and here we are.

I walked out inspired and feeling as though anything was possible.

I packed my transition bags and built a plan for the morning, sleep as long as I could, practice swim, bike from there to bike and t-bag drop off, then jog back to the car.  Well, see, now you know why I don't plan.  Parking was so limited for practice swim that it meant parking more than a mile away and leaving my bike and gear locked but unsupervised.... Yeah, that wasn't going to happen.  I should have gotten there earlier.  Oh well, roll with it girl.

I went to ironman village, was complimented on my taped "design" on my knee and was asked if it was the latest fashion.  I couldn't do anything but say, "you bet!"  Ha.  Oh boy....  If only this was a fashion statement.  On a side note, it really seems to be helping.  I wasn't taped for the plane ride and by the time I got here and walked around a bit, my knee was screaming.  I taped and since (knock on wood) have been ok.

Off to transition my bike and bags went.  I got the layout for swim in bike out and bike in run out.  I shifted my bike into the high range low gears ready to take off (something I have forgotten to do on literally every race thus far).  I dropped my bags after double checking them.  I couldn't think of anything that was missing and I let it go and just said, enough worrying, time to roll with it.  I need to have faith in my training, my planning, my packing.  Everything is there, I am ready.

The only dicey moment may be from the swim to bike.  I have to wear contacts in the swim, no option.  However, I know that 17 hours of contacts will give me the worst headache, and I don't need
any extra pain.  I packed my Rx sunglasses in my bike bag.  Somehow I need to remember to take
contacts out before jumping on the bike.  They are disposable which makes life easier, but still an extra step.  Glasses are in my run bag as I know I will be running in the dark and sunglasses or running blind won't be possible.

Swim, lunch, grocery store for powerade, and in a very non-traditional race prep step, I went for a pedicure.  The wonderful Korean lady there took fabulous care of me and insisted that " you need Iron-Lady toes". God bless her, I could have cried.

On that note, hubby will be here soon and I am ready.  I am excited.  I am ready to rock. Ready to roll, ready to finish.  Believe, Love, Push.



Want to follow me on race day?  http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/coverage/detail.aspx?race=texas&y=2014#axzz31iNvNTnL. Bib number 305.  Click on athlete tracker, there will even be live video if you don't have anything better to do :). 

Texas sized nerves

Well after a short nights sleep, the alarm went off at 230 to send me into the shower and off to the airport.  One large coffee and a two hour ride later my stomach was in knots and I was thinking, "let's just turn around and go home to bed."

I didn't.  I got on the plane and tried to sleep.  Fitfully I did for an hour or so, then it was back to the nerves.  I broke out a book that I had downloaded just before leaving, and I read half of it before the trip was over.  It was perfectly timed and perfectly written for this experience.  I think it will be a book that I read over and over again during these types of moments.

The book is called 140.6 Unlikely Finisher.  He writes from a point of understanding, he's just as crazy as I am.  He talks about quitting and then starting back up again and again and again.  He talks about taking a minute long nap on the side of the bike course, and better yet, on the Porto-potty because it was so much more comfortable than his bike seat.

Most importantly he talks about the never ending mental battle, about taking it one step at a time and just moving.

I checked in, signed away my life, got my gear bags, stickers, cap, and swag.  An aside before I forget a big thank you to the incredible volunteers, without you these things simply would not run.  They made sure everything was smooth, there were so many kind smiles to ease my ever ratcheting nerves, the environment was simply joyful.  It was too early to pick up my bike, so I decided to pick up the few things I needed that I couldn't bring with me on the plane (triglide, CO2 canisters) and things I simply forgot (electrolyte tabs).

Still two hours too early to pick up my bike, so I hit walmart for the few things I needed for my special needs bags.  What am I stocking in those critical mid-bike and mid-run bags?  Orange pop, Uncrustables PB&J's and tootsie rolls.  Don't judge.  Yes I really am a five year old deep down inside :)

I checked in to the hotel to drop off my loot, went out for a late lunch and it happened.

My nerves were shot, I was ragged, I didn't know what end was up, I was frustrated with rude people (there are multitudes in Texas it seems).  My knee was very sore, my stomach was angry at too many carbs in the Italian lunch, I didn't have a plan, I didn't know what I was doing, I was spinning out of control.

And then I took a nap.

Everything was better :)

Suddenly I had a plan.  Tape knee, check.  Drink more water, check.  Drive bike course, check.  Keep head in the game- a never ending battle.

I drove the bike course from sun setting to well after, missing a few turns because it's too early to have it marked, and because it was too dark to see some of the side roads.  What a pretty ride though. Once out of town, with everything from Johnny Cash's "One Piece at a Time" to Jake Owens' "Barefoot Bluejean Night" blaring on the radio, everything just seemed right.  I didn't mind the missed turns, they helped me get the lay of the land better.

Interesting thing, while this is by no stretch a hilly course, there are a few rolling hills scattered throughout the course.  I need to remember not to take for granted the downhills, there aren't many, so appreciate them!

Also, very grateful for all of the support I know will be out there, 112 miles through the Texas country-  there are two lane backroads with speed limits of 75... And to think CT highways are 65. :). It makes me a little nervous being on the sides of these roads, don't worry I packed a terribly bright colored race top.  :) bright blue and pink, no one will miss me!

I slept well, 6.5 hours.  Not quite enough, but after a long busy day I should be able to crash early tonight without any problem and start transitioning myself over to race day wake up.

Plan for today:  breakfast- check, walk on the run course, bike pick-up and athlete info session, quick spin on the bike to run her (and me) through the paces, water temp check (looking like a wetsuit swim), athlete banquet is tonight- will try to go depending on how the day goes.  Mostly I am going to try to enjoy the weather, finish my book, lay low and drink lots of water.  This is a hell of an experience, and one I'm not going to take for granted.

Thanks for staying along for the ride guys, it's been a rocky one, but I'm here and I'm committed to keep moving until I finish or until they have to pull me from the course.

Enough?

Good Enough?
Fast Enough?
Strong Enough?

I don't know...  Good enough to compete?  Fast enough to beat the 17 hour mark?  Strong enough to finish the distance?  The truth is, I don't truly know...

We have all had those moments where we don't know what the correct decision is, the smart way to proceed, we make pros and cons, search our souls... and still can't seem to figure it out.

Thanks to many many people that have been there before, and people in similar situations, I have gotten a lot of feedback and support and overall love.  I have to tell you, thank you!  You have helped me discover the most important thing...

I am dedicated enough to start.

That's right, I'm going to Texas.   I am going to compete, I am going to strive to be fast enough for a sub 17 hour finish, and I know I am strong enough to fight the fight.

My bike shipped today.  It's official.




HOLY CRAP!

Seriously, today has been a little daunting.  The past few days, I have learned some things about myself.  I have no clue what this race will bring, I have no idea what I will feel like.  I do know that I am going to start.

I started this as a challenge to myself, knowing I could do it, and dreaming of a finish, I still believe in myself.  I have had more challenges than I expected, but I won't let it stop me.  I'm going to roll.

I am going to be careful, pay attention, and avoid injury.  There may be a time when the knee finally says enough, and I have to bow out, but then again, it may not.  I won't know unless I try- and I am not one to give up! :)

Every day we wake up to a new set of challenges, and we could crawl back in bed and hide from them, but seriously, a day in bed, alone, hiding, is creamed by a day of experience and sunshine.

I am going to rock this, and if something happens, I'm going to have a Texas sized margarita on the rocks and then cheer on every last hour finisher.

If these few ramblings haven't convinced you of what a rocky ride this has been, watch this, and then keep in mind that this triggered honest to God tears, not one glistening tear on my cheek, more along the lines of ugly cry sobbing.

Believe Video

Thanks for believing in me too!  I'm working on happy thoughts and things to tuck into my special needs bags, write on my water bottles, etc, if you have thoughts or suggestions, let me know!  I would love to bring y'all along!